Open adoption solution to Naylor's infertility woes

By Sue Odegard

At nearly 3 months old, she's the center of attention.

With unblinking blue eyes and a wisp of ebony hair, baby Andrea rests peacefully in her mother's arms. Wrapped tightly in a receiving blanket, she sucks on a pacifier as she waits for her next bottle. Her father's voice, as he addresses a classroom of college students, seems to soothe the child.

Sitting quietly beside the couple, a petite teenager smiles with remembrance as the story of baby Andrea's life is told.

In room 123 at the Karges Physical Education building on the UW-River Falls campus, the drama that binds four people together unfolds. The cord connecting them is the baby, now sleeping beneath the folds of the pink blanket.

"I had decided I was going to keep our baby up until the 5th month of my pregnancy," Renee, the petite teenager, explains (the last names of the birth parents are being omitted to keep their identities confidential.) "Then I started thinking about it and we decided to check out other possibilities."

Renee was 18 when she became pregnant. She and the baby's father, Mike, who is 4 years older, live in Eau Claire.

Renee and Mike went to the Lutheran Social Services in Eau Claire, where they met with Jane Weber, a birth parent/adoption counselor in a 9-county area including Pierce and St. Croix counties.

Doug and Karen Naylor of River Falls had met with Weber to complete the application and screening that deemed them acceptable as adoptive parents. It was not the first time they had been through the process.

Four-and-a-half years ago, they adopted Joel, whose birth mother was 14 when she became pregnant. The birth father was 18. Weber assisted in that adoption as well.

"Joel was born in Mankato, Minn.," Doug told the college students. "His birth mother, Jessica, is my step-niece."

Doug is a swimming coach at UW-RF. He is from the Mankato area. Karen is from Fargo, N.D. She is a rehabilitation manager at the River Falls Area Hospital.

"Both Karen and I have fertility problems," Doug said. "Both of us had been through the medical route with surgeries and fertility drugs. We tried everything we could think of, including donor insemination. Nothing worked."

"We spent about $30,000 to try and have a baby of our own," Karen added. "That is out-of-pocket cost. It was so stressful for us and made us so anxious. About two months after we started seriously considering adoption, Jessica called us about her unborn baby. I started thinking maybe God had a different plan for us. I guess He did."

Jessica gave birth to a son and named him Joel. He weighed 9 lbs., 1 oz. The Naylors were with Jessica in the delivery room and served as coaches.

Because Joel was born in Minnesota and the Naylors planned to raise him in Wisconsin, a complicated legal process was set in motion.

"Jessica had 9 weeks to change her mind about keeping Joel after he was born on April 6, 1995," Karen said. "He was placed in a foster home in Bloomington and we went to visit him there."

The Naylors were required to pay for advertising that would seek out paternity rights of the baby. For 3 weeks they had to publish the name of the mother and the date the baby was born.

"We were giving notice to anyone out there who could potentially be the father of the baby," Doug said. "Actually, we knew who the father was, but since Jessica was so young when the baby was conceived, the father couldn't reveal who he was or he could have been charged with statutory rape."

Following the specified amount of time, Joel was declared legally abandoned by his birth father, and the adoption was complete. Jessica is now 18. She is married and has two children of her own.

"Joel's adoption cost between $8,000-$10,000," Karen said. "That includes legal and social worker fees."

Joel knows he is adopted, Karen said. They talk about his birth parents often, and let him know he is loved by both sets of parents.

Andrea's adoption process was much easier, the Naylors said.

"We wrote a one page letter about why prospective birth parents should pick us," Karen said. "We compiled a portfolio profile and included pictures of our family."

Renee and Mike looked at the Naylor's profile and liked them immediately. The four scheduled a time to meet.

"We took Renee golfing when she was 7 months pregnant," Doug said. "We took Joel along too, and he rode in the cart with Renee. It was an interesting afternoon. She saw us as we really are."

Andrea was born Aug. 18 and the Naylors saw her within 24 hours. They named her Andrea Renee and brought her home to River Falls on Aug. 30.

"Andrea's adoption cost us $11,000," Karen said. "We had to pay for the foster care until Renee and Mike's parental rights were terminated in court. That took 12 days. We also had to pay for counseling for the birth parents."

Once the birth parents terminate their parental rights, they cannot change their minds, Karen said. Renee has visited Andrea three times since her birth.

"Mike and I were very comfortable with the Naylors right away," Renee said. "They had been married for 13 years and it was working. I knew Andrea was going to be in good hands and that she would have an older brother, Joel."

Renee said she also knew she wouldn't be able to give Andrea all that the Naylors could provide. In addition to love and emotional stability, they offer financial security as well. Day care costs alone for two children are $1,000 a month, Karen said.

As Andrea grows, her future will include visits from her birth parents. Like her brother, Joel, she will know she is adopted and who her birth parents are.

"The birth parents can visit as long as they don't disrupt the natural flow of our family life or become too demanding," Karen said. "We consider Mike and Renee part of our family."