Gentle reader, I'm writing this story two weeks from the appearance of this column. I'm up to my armpits in snow and have lots of gripes to unload.
First, I'm disappointed that Mother Nature has finessed me once again. My B.W. and I spent big bucks to stay in Florida through all of February and March and what did we find when we got back to Walnut Street in dear old The City on the Kinni! SNOWDRIFTS!
"Oh, they won't last long," said B.W., who's making a bid to become the Panglossian optimist of River Falls.
No, my Darling, only for two more weeks and then some.
Temporarily undaunted, I slipped and slid to my once favorite coffee house, where the baristas or whatever they call them these days had failed to rid the sidewalk of 2 inches of ice, from curb to entryway. Meanwhile three employees plied their trade inside concocting coffee drinks that bore no resemblance to coffee. "I'll have a double mocha with almond cream and sprinkles, please. And hold the maraschino cherry. Here's my credit card."
After my usual Diet Coke (I never buy coffee if it costs more than 50 cents a cup), I returned to Walnut Street where mail awaited me. Seventeen glossy magazines from Viking Cruises offering two travelers for the price of one (don't believe it), fashion catalogs for the large, for the small, for the normal, plus another unwanted pitch from LL.Bean.
And then came a real letter. No, it looked like a real letter but it was one of those franked letters from a politician I don't support.
It was a very important letter because in its own small way it indicated we're not far removed from the folderol that's going on in Washington. In the letter, which was probably sent at taxpayers' expense, 30th District State Rep. Shannon Zimmerman made reference to River Falls's own Wisconsin Secretary of Agriculture and misspelled her name: SHIELA
Harsdorf! It's SHEILA, Rep. Zimmerman, lest you get the reputation of our President Donald Trump, who said last year we need fewer immigrants from third world countries than from wonderful places like NORMAY. Yes, that's how he spelled it, NORMAY, not Norway, as if any
one of those fine Normegians would want to migrate here in the first place.
Zimmerman also mentioned in his franked letter that he was working very hard to improve education in the Badger State, but failed to mention why UW-Stevens Point has lopped off 13 majors, inconsequential ones like history and literature.
So what's next for UW-River Falls? Lop off 13 majors, leaving only flower arranging and bratwurst manufacture and equestrian science?
Zimmerman claims he pulled himself up by his bootstraps from poverty to be a bigshot. Does he really believe that could have happened without benefit of Wisconsin's once-vaunted education system that our governor is working every day to weaken and enervate?
Yeah, yeah. The Gov and his minions built River Falls a new gymnasium.
Finally, I must admit there have been a few high points since our arrival back in what I guess is still God's country.
Since my last acupuncturist has become so busy, I've been without. Now I have a fairly recent arrival. It's Dr. Liu on Main Street. She has a Ph.D. In ancient Chinese Acupuncture from the University of Shanghai, worked in that city for years before she arrived here.
She's pretty handy with a needle and she's making progress with my neuropathy, which has made my feet numb for years. I just returned from a treatment and told her that last night my big toes throbbed with pain.
"Good, GOOD," she said. "We're making progress."
(She's located on the west side of Main Street and she's the only one on her block that shovels her sidewalk regularly.)
Dave would like to hear from you unless you have plans for his assassination. Phone him at 715-426- 9554.